Glenna Rebecca’s Birth Story and Hospital Stay

Glenna Rebecca’s Birth Story and Hospital Stay

(Disclaimer: There is talk of medical jargon, cervical dilation, and other feminine terms.)

Little miss Glenna Rebecca arrived fast and furious on Wednesday August 17^th, 2022, at 8:39 PM at Aspirus St. Michael’s Hospital in Stevens Point, WI. She was our smallest baby, weighing in at 6 lbs 10 oz and measuring 19 inches in length. It may have taken the four births of her older siblings to achieve, but Glenna’s birth was finally the birth that I had always hoped and prayed for. Natural birth, the way God originally designed it to be, is achievable. Here is our story.

We found out we were pregnant with Glenna right before Christmas, after a rather long sickness where I had a fever for 9 days. We were able to announce the exciting news on Christmas morning. It was welcome news after having been sick for a few weeks. I decided that I wanted to do everything “naturally” for her pregnancy and labor and delivery. I started preparing for her birth as soon as we found out we were expecting.

All my girls, prior to Glenna, were born at 37 (Lorelei), 38 (Sadie), and 37+3 (Emmie) weeks. Warren was born at 40 weeks, but he was our first. Once I hit 37 weeks with Glenna’s pregnancy, people started asking when she was going to come. I had been having quite a bit of pelvic discomfort, but no other signs of impending labor. I hit 38 weeks and was having some infrequent contractions in the middle of the night and more Braxton hicks contractions during the day, but again, nothing really notable.

My parents visited on the Sunday morning before Glenna was born to bring the kids donuts. It is a little tradition that we do on church Sundays. My mom told me that she had plans for Wednesday with a friend. I jokingly told her that I would have the baby that day since she had plans. Little did we know, I was right.

Tuesday, August 16^th, I woke up in the middle of the night with noticeable contractions. I was able to go back to sleep and they were gone by the time I woke up. The kids and I went to pick blueberries and visit our friends Ashely and Penny in the morning. I had some signs of lightning and possible cervical ripening (pink-tinged discharge) at my friend’s house (yay!). The rest of the day was spent trying to check a few more things off my “to do before baby arrives” list.

Warren picked 3.5 lbs of berries on his own

I had finished canning applesauce from all the apples in our garden and canning apple scrap jelly from the peels/cores the day before (great zero-waste recipe). I developed a weird rash on the left side of my belly and up my left arm. It looked like hives. The doctors were confident that the rash was not pregnancy related. They think it was contact dermatitis. I think it was a heat rash from setting my stove on fire when the jelly boiled over, twice (whoops!), or an allergic reaction from grabbing stinging nettle while weeding the garden and then scratching my belly. I was hopeful that the rash would go away prior to labor and delivery because it was very itchy and a huge eye sore. It did not go away before labor.

That same night, I woke up several times with more intense contractions. I went to the bathroom each time and the contractions seemed to ease up enough that I was able to sleep. I had been praying that the baby would not come in the middle of the night so that I could rested and have energy for labor. God answered this prayer.

The morning of Wednesday, August 17 I messaged my sister Lauren and asked if she wanted to go on a walk with us to the woods to look for fresh milkweed for our monarch caterpillars. I didn’t want them to be left without fresh leaves if I went into active labor. We raise and release Monarchs every year. My goal was to stay home until the last possible minute in hopes to avoid as many medical interventions as possible. My four previous labors all ended in needing an IV, anti-nausea meds, an epidural, prolonged/stalled labors, IV Pitocin, and two shoulder dystocias. I wanted a natural birth to celebrate God’s design for birth and to give my baby the best start possible. I wanted her to have a gentler entrance into the world.

I spoke directly to little Glenna during my morning shower. I told her that we needed to work together. I asked her to stay in a good position, to not be posterior (facing backwards), and to come quickly. I had read that it was important to talk with your baby prior to their birth, just like how an athlete would envision winning a race. It felt a little bit odd, but I’m glad that I talked to her.

I had also spent time praying for Glenna’s birth before labor started. Some of the things I prayed specifically for were that her labor would be fast and as pain-free as possible, that I would finally be able to achieve a natural, medication free labor, that she wouldn’t have shoulder dystocia like two of her sisters, that I wouldn’t have a huge tear or would tear minimally, that neither she nor I would have any complications, and that I wouldn’t have any anxiety and/or nausea.

With the goal of staying home as long as possible, my sister, her son Ozzy, and my four kiddos left for a walk. We found plenty of fresh milkweed and the kids got to run in the woods. We came home and the kids played in the backyard. At one point, Emmie (our 2-year-old), climbed up on my belly during a contraction and put her ear on my belly. She looked up excitedly and said, “the baby is coming out!”. We hadn’t said anything to her about the baby coming out, so it was almost like she heard something from the baby and knew that baby would come that day.

I got the kids some lunch and then sent everyone to nap and rest time. I tried resting as much as I could during that time. I finished reading the book “Changing Birth on Earth: Preventing Another Unnecessary Cesarean”. It was the last natural birth book that I wanted to finish before baby was born. Goal met!

I had also been eating four (70-75g) large dates per day to help prepare my body for labor. I started this at 36 weeks, as recommended. This was my first pregnancy that I decided to try this. I couldn’t stand the texture of the dates, so I ground them up in the blender with 1 cup of milk, 1 T unsweetened cocoa powder, 1 banana, and 1 cup of ice. The concoction tasted just like a chocolate banana milkshake. I honestly think the dates helped! I drank my shake while I read the birthing book. I also drank 1-3 cups per day of red raspberry leaf tea (must be raspberry leaf and not plain raspberry tea) starting in the 3^rd trimester. The general recommendation is 1 cup per day in the 1^st trimester, 2 cups per day in the 2^nd trimester, and 3 cups per day in the 3^rd trimester, then finally a very strong brew with approximately 24 tea bags in it during labor. I never had a chance to drink the strong brew.

The kids came down from rest time and I let them watch a movie while I did 2 loads of laundry, cleaned the girls’ room, cleaned the school room, and put all the laundry away. I was contracting about every 5-10 minutes at that point and had to stop to breathe through a few contractions. I decided that it was best to get my hospital bag together just in case this was labor. The contractions started picking up duration and intensity around 3:00 PM.

My friend Heather had scheduled me a prenatal massage at the Wellness Spa as a thank you for taking care of her house and animals while they were on vacation. What a sweet and insanely generous gift. Thank you, Heather! I think that massage is the reason my labor ended the way that it did. The massage was scheduled for 6:00 PM that evening. Tom called and said that he would be home late from work. I was a bit frustrated because I was rather uncomfortable at that point, and I really didn’t want to miss the massage.

The kids asked me to paint their nails with our gel nail kit while we waited for daddy to get home. It was on the “to do list” so I decided we might as well check one last thing off. The girls all picked out a sparkly red. I got them done right as Tom got home. He asked if I was sure I should go to the massage and I said yes. I had Tom heat me up some leftovers (chicken yokisoba) and headed to the Wellness Spa. I was contracting more frequently, and the contractions were getting more intense, but I was not going to miss my appointment.

The massage therapist, Rhonda, called me back. My sister Lauren was messaging me to see if she should come just in case. I told her I was fine, she didn’t believe me. I explained to Rhonda that I was 38 + 4 weeks pregnant and was having contractions approximately every 5 minutes. She said that they had had clients in labor before and that she was a former birth doula. I was a bit concerned with how I would do laying on my stomach, even on the modified table, but after I got used to it, I was ok. She finished up massaging my back and legs, which really helped me relax during contractions. She asked me to turn over onto my back so she could continue the massage and right as I laid down, I felt a pop and a large amount of warm fluid gush out of me. This happened around 20 or 30 minutes into the massage, somewhere between 6:15 and 6:30 PM. My water has only fully broken one time on its own (with Sadie’s birth) and that happened in the toilet. This moment was honestly just like those overly dramatic scenes you see in the movies. I told Rhonda my water just broke and she said, “are you serious?”. I said yes, I wouldn’t joke about something like that. Those massage tables are very waterproof and with the added indent for pregnant bellies I was literally sitting waste deep in amniotic fluid. I felt so bad for Rhonda. Thank goodness she was a former birth doula! She got me a bunch of sheets and towels and followed me out to my car. She said that this has never happened at the spa before. She had me message Tom and he responded with “I knew this would happen!”. I drove home (only a 5-minute drive) and had to breathe my way through a few contractions on the way, as well as when I pulled into the garage. Glenna is our little spa baby.

Tom met me in the garage and asked if we should go in. I did not want to because I desperately wanted a medication/intervention free labor. Everyone said to stay home as long as we could. I got inside and had to stop to breathe through another contraction. Tom mentioned that the contractions were coming much closer together and maybe we should go in. My mom, who was set to watch the kids during labor, was at a paint class. I had called her on the way home and told her she didn’t need to come just yet. This was around 7:00 PM. My sister Lauren came over around this time. I wanted to help get the kids into bed and then try getting into the bathtub before going in. Contractions were more intense and somewhere around 2 minutes apart.

Lauren said that if I got into the tub she would have to deliver the baby. I laughed and said no way, but in hindsight she was probably right. She called my mom to come over and help get the kids in bed, even though I didn’t think that she needed to come yet. Her and Tom both said that we better go in. It wasn’t that I was being stubborn, I just truly did not want to go in too early and find out that I was only a few centimeters dilated. That has been devastating to me in previous labors.

Shortly after this, Lorelei fell from our playhouse outside and got the wind knocked out of her. She was pretty upset after that and distraught over me leaving. It broke my mama heart. Tom was able to get all the kids ready for bed right as my mom arrived. Tom quickly installed the car seat in the car. We didn’t have the van set up to have another car seat in it yet, so this was our plan if we hadn’t gotten it set up. It also worked out in case my mom needed to take the big kids somewhere. Poor Lorelei was still crying when we left, but I did get to say goodnight and goodbye to all of them.

Lauren followed us to the hospital just in case something happened. She thought that Tom might have to pull over so I could deliver the baby on the side of the road. I was still in denial. I was uncomfortable at this point and the short ride to the hospital was not an easy feat. Having contractions in a moving vehicle on bumpy roads with stop lights is less than desirable. Tom did a great job getting us there, though. I asked him to drop me off at the ER entrance and park the car so that I could get a head start on checking in. I walked into the ER and just stood there for a minute working my way through a contraction. I honestly don’t think the people at the check in desk saw me right away. I said excuse me I need to check in, I’m in labor. The all looked up at that point. One lady asked me if this was my first baby and if I had called ahead. I said no, this is my fifth baby, and I didn’t exactly have time to call ahead. I was working through another contraction at this point. She said to me, “you aren’t crowning are you?”. I just laughed and said no and declined the wheelchair. Needless to say, they got me directly up to the birthing unit without any further questions and Tom caught up to me and the security guard escorting me to the unit while we were still in the hallway. It made me smile to see him running with all of our things down the hospital hallway. He was very efficient with his parking and grabbing our things.

I had 3 or 4 more contractions on the short trip up. I had another one in the hallway when we got on the unit. I said hi to a few of the nurses and the pediatrician on call. I had worked with all of them on the unit a few years before. I was lucky and got the same nurse, Sarah, that I had with Emmie’s delivery. She was great, honestly. She didn’t make me get in a gown or get in the bed. She didn’t make me rush to get an IV inserted and get the baby on the monitor. She let me get “comfortable” first. I say that in quotes because there was really no way for me to get comfortable at that point.

Sarah wanted to grab my vitals and check my dilation. I was hesitant about this because I didn’t want to be disappointed. There really is no need to check dilation in labor. You know when your body and your baby are ready. I can say this from experience now, but I had read about that prior to Glenna’s birth. Hospital staff are always so quick to want to check dilation. It might help some women, and that’s totally ok, but it really doesn’t provide accurate information. Your dilation can change rapidly in labor and not being dilated to a certain amount can upset or frustrate you and could stall your labor. I did let Sarah check my dilation and we found out that I was 7 cm. I hate to say that I was disappointed, but I was. I kept saying that I just wanted to be done and would love if I could have even a small break from the contractions. Just a little break to regain my strength and composure. Glenna and my body had other plans.

I need to share how amazing Tom was during Glenna’s delivery. He rubbed my back and continuously encouraged and supported me. He kept telling me that he believed in me and that I could do it. He told me how strong I was and that everything would be over soon. I could not have done this without him. He had a very active roll in this birth. It was the first time I really “needed” him since I did not have any pain medication.

Sarah and Tom helped me to the tiny tub and Tom asked me if I wanted my birthing playlist. I said yes and got through half of the song Promises by Maverick City Music. Great song, I recommend you listen to it. Things got insanely intense at this point. I started begging for an epidural. I said I just wanted to be done. A lab technician came in to draw my blood and I told her that she could just wait for the IV start and draw labs off that because I was getting an epidural. Tom wanted to make sure that was what I wanted, and I said yes. I should have known that I was in transition and about to start pushing when I requested an epidural. Every single natural birth book/story that I read said that when the laboring mother started to say she wanted to be done or was giving up, or that she wanted pain medication, the baby would be born soon. I don’t remember exactly how things happened next, but I felt intense pressure and started involuntarily pushing. Sarah said she heard that low guttural/primal moan and knew that we didn’t have time to do anything. She said we needed to get to the bed or we were going to have the baby in the tub. The tubs in the hospital are very small and the bathrooms do not fit more than 1 other person comfortably. Not exactly the best place to deliver a baby, but I’m sure it has been done before.

It felt impossible to try to stand up. I honestly could not stop pushing. It was this crazy weird feeling of involuntary convulsions in my abdomen. It was almost like throwing up but bearing down instead. I hate throwing up and will do anything to prevent it. I kept saying “I don’t want to throw up,” but I couldn’t control it. I leaned my weight on Tom and he and Sarah were able to get me in the bed. Dr. Vo-Hill came in at this point. I was on my hands and knees in the bed facing the wall and pushing without trying. Dr. Vo-Hill suggested some nitrous oxide to calm me down, but Sarah told her I couldn’t have it because I wasn’t tested for Covid. I looked at Dr. Vo-Hill and basically begged her to give me the nitrous oxide. She was not able to give it to me. We wouldn’t have had time to get it anyways.

They wanted me to flip onto my back. I was adamant about not delivering on my back. This is the single most ineffective position to birth in. It is only beneficial for the doctors. It closes off your pelvis and the baby has to go up an incline to come out. Delivering on my back with prolonged epidurals may have been the cause of my two previous shoulder dystocias. I also didn’t think I could even move, to be honest. Somehow, I rolled onto my left side and with the next push Glenna was born. It was surreal. I was so proud and excited. I kept saying that “I did it, I really did it!”. We arrived at the hospital a little bit before 8:00 PM and Glenna was born at 8:39 PM. I would say that active labor probably started around 3:00 PM. That would put my active labor at a total of 5 hours and 39 minutes. That is by far the shortest labor I have ever had. I had absolutely zero interventions. It was what I wanted and incredibly empowering. I wouldn’t have been able to do it without Tom’s continuous support and encouragement. Thank you, God, for answered prayers.

WE DID IT!

Glenna’s birth story ends here. If you want to keep reading about Glenna’s first 48 hours of life and our struggles, I have that story below.

I was also praying for a gentle entrance into the world for Glenna. Unfortunately, she ended up having the same issues with breathing and tone (limp limbs) that her three older sisters had. She had APGAR scores of 8 and 9 but started to look a little blue. They had to cut her cord much earlier than I wanted and took her over to the warmer to be assessed. They gave her some oxygen and she started to pink up so they were able to bring her to me. She latched on and wanted to nurse as soon as she was given to me. I have a history of oversupply with milk, and she was really nursing strong. I think she may have inhaled some of the colostrum. She went a little limp and started having a harder time breathing. They ended up needing to take her to the special care nursery.

She was doing better once in the nursery and the decision was made to bring her back to the room and monitor her oxygen saturation, heart rate, and respiratory rate. With the next feeding, she started to look a bit off again. The nurse, Kim, checked her oxygen saturation and it was down to 60%. Back to the special care nursery she went. The pediatrician was pushing to have her get a chest x-ray to test for aspiration pneumonia. I was very adamant about her not getting an x-ray unless it was completely necessary. Such little bodies do not need that amount of radiation. Nobody really needs that much radiation. I was able to convince her to hold off on the x-ray, but she ordered a full sepsis panel to check for any infection and that more labs be run as well.

At this point, Glenna is off all oxygen and is breathing fine on her own. We had to stay in the special care nursery until 3:00 AM, regardless of how well Glenna was doing. Tom kept saying that they were paying more attention to numbers on a screen than to the patient. It was very upsetting. She ended up having over 15 needle pokes, including 3 venous punctures in her poor arms. It was awful. Definitely not the gentle entrance that we wanted.

After we finally got her back to our room, we had to continue to keep her on the oxygen saturation monitor. These monitors are not concise. They send out false alarms on a regular basis. The alarm would say that she wasn’t breathing when she clearly was breathing just fine, without any signs of distress. It was hard to get any rest that first night. Thankfully, Glenna had no other issues the rest of our hospital stay.

Oxygen saturation monitor taped to her little wrist

The next morning a new pediatrician was on call. She infuriated me. I explained to her that we wanted to go home and that Glenna was doing great. She would not let us go. She said we could leave against medical advice and that they would not forcefully keep us there. The problem is that if you leave against medical advice insurance will not cover your hospital stay. The doctors know this. She claimed that she was unaware of this insurance protocol. She also wanted Glenna to continue to stay on the oxygen saturation monitor. She pushed even harder and said that it was necessary to obtain a second arterial blood gas level since they were unable to successfully gather a 2^nd sample the night before.

My dad was visiting at the time that the pediatrician was assessing Glenna. He said he heard her say the same thing over ten times anytime I tried to explain to her that this exact scenario has happened to all of our girls and that we were more than capable of monitoring Glenna safely at home. She just kept saying “Oh I know mama, it’s just our protocol” over and over again. She would not listen to me. So we stayed at the hospital against our wishes. I was discharged as a patient but was still able to stay in the room with Glenna.

A few hours later another lab technician came in and said that the pediatrician ordered another lab (CRP to check for signs of inflammation). We were unaware that another lab was ordered. I told her to just draw the 2^nd ABG and get that out of the way. The pediatrician was unwavering on the fact that Glenna had to have a good ABG lab result before they would even consider letting her leave. Thankfully this lab tech was much better than the one the night before and was able to get the blood drawn without any trouble.

Big surprise, the ABG came back normal, and Glenna was finally able to come off the monitors. If they would have just listened to us, really listened to us, we could have gone home that day and avoided so many needle pokes. I was just trying to protect my sweet tiny new baby.

Relaxing with her arms up like her older siblings

My mom was able to bring the older kids to meet Glenna. They did not get to come when Emmie was born because of the Covid pandemic. It was wonderful seeing them all meet their new sister. Every single one of her siblings was in awe of her. They made her cards and brought her little presents. It melted my heart.

The rest of the day was rather uneventful. Lots of baby cuddles and laying low. Lauren came to take some pictures of Glenna in the hospital. Tom had playoffs for SPUFA, an ultimate frisbee league that we play in every summer. I encouraged him to go. I thought that it would be good for him to do something routine. My mom took the kids to the field to watch the team play. Unfortunately, their team did not make it to the 2^nd round, but they had fun. We also decided that he would go home and stay with the kids to give them a sense of normalcy as well. There wasn’t a lot he could do in the hospital, and everything was going well.

My other sister, Annie, came to hang out with me and Glenna while Tom was gone. It was lovely to have her company for a few hours. Bonus, she also brought snacks! After she went home, the lab came in again to draw more labs. They now wanted to do a bilirubin level because of our girls’ history of jaundice. I waited for the results, but they didn’t come, so I decided to try and get some sleep. Less than 20 minutes after falling asleep, the nurse comes in with a bilirubin blanket. I was startled since I had just fallen asleep and beyond frustrated that another intervention was going to be forced on my sweet baby. Those lights are bright, hot, and uncomfortable. The nurse told me that her bilirubin level was considered high intermediate risk and that they wanted to start phototherapy to get on top of her jaundice. She was not jaundiced at all at this point. Her bilirubin level was only 6.4. None of our girls ever had that low of a bilirubin level. I looked up the results online and found out that her level did not put her at high intermediate risk, it put her at low intermediate risk and phototherapy was not required.

I broke down at this point. I felt very defeated. It seemed like they were doing everything in their power to keep us in the hospital instead of helping us to go home. They also did not perform the regular newborn hearing screening exam and the heart screening exam overnight. These two screenings are typically performed on night shift. Glenna and I worked with what we had and did our best to put the circumstances behind us so we could get some sleep.

In the morning things begin to look up. Glenna was still doing amazing. She was eating well and had only lost 4% of her birth weight. My friend Ashely came to bring me coffee and treats and hang out with me while we waited for news. It was comforting to have her there with me. Tom was still home with the kids but planned to return to the hospital soon. His mom came over to spend time with the kids so that he could come back.

Finally a picture of Ashely and I together

The first pediatrician who saw her after birth came back to see us. She was comfortable with us going home if Glenna’s bilirubin level hadn’t spiked during the night. I explained that we were more than willing to take the biliblanket home and come back for a spot check if we needed to. We had to do this with all our other girls. Praise the Lord, her bilirubin level had only increased to 7.5 and was considered low intermediate risk. We got to go home, and we didn’t even need a biliblanket! Huge answer to prayers. We will have another bilirubin level assessed on Monday August 22^nd, but we have the entire weekend to snuggle our baby girl without a biliblanket in the way.

We finally left the hospital at 11:00 AM on Friday August 19^th, 2022. It is so very wonderful to be home. We are thankful and blessed beyond measure. Thank you to everyone who helped during this entire process. Thank you to those who cared for our older children and our home while we were away and to all of the friends and family who prayed, offered support and encouragement, and visited so that we could stay sane.

We picked Glenna’s first name because we both thought it suited her. Glenna has Gaelic (Irish) roots. I have always wanted an Irish name because of my Irish heritage. Glenna means “Living in the valley”. Her middle name, Rebecca, is to honor our friend Rebecca Engelkes who passed away from cancer recently. She was so full of life and loved babies very much. We wanted to honor her in a special way. She will never be forgotten. The name Rebecca in the bible represents beauty. The meaning of the name is “to tie, or to bind”.

We found out at our 20-week ultrasound that little miss Glenna was measuring small. She was below the 3^rd percentile for size. After we found out this information, I wanted to name her something that meant small and mighty. I found the name Yara, which means small butterfly in Hebrew. I was sold on naming her Yara right up until the final weeks of pregnancy. I realized that I liked the name meaning, but the name itself didn’t sound right. I had a giant list of names that I liked at some point during the pregnancy. After Glenna’s birth, we narrowed her name down to Laine/Lainey or Glenna. We thought about combining Glenna and Laine and doing Glenna Laine, but Tom thought it was too close to Penny Lane by the Beatles. We also wanted to honor Becky and I was pretty set on Rebecca as a middle name. Tom loved Glenna Grace Rebecca and we could call her GiGi. I thought it was a bit too wordy. I’m also not a huge fan of using the middle name Grace because it is so popular. I love the name Grace, but I also would have wanted our other girls to have similar middle names like Faith, Joy, Hope, etc., and we didn’t do that. Lorelei’s middle name “Charys” means Grace in Hebrew. That was also a bit too similar for me. Glenna Rebecca it is! Some nicknames we’ve come up with so far are Glen, G, GiGi, Lenny, or Lollipop (Sadie came up with this name).

Welcome to the world our littlest Glenna Rebecca. We are so blessed to have you.

Emmie wanted to read a book to baby Glenna “Hi neighbor I’m so glad you’re here” she said

Photos below courtesy of LK Photography (my sister Lauren Klein). She really did an excellent job! I made the knit swaddle sack and knit bonnet. The wildflowers are from my garden.

Bridgerton Series by Julia Quinn Review

Photo of 7 of the Bridgerton siblings and their mother, Violet, from the set of Bridgerton

I first became acquainted with the Bridgerton family shortly after Christmas when Netflix released the original show entitled Bridgerton. I am a sucker for period dramas and Bridgerton met the mark for that criteria. I will admit that I binge-watched the series and was sad when it was over. It is a bit racey at times and I did a lot of fast-forwarding through the intimate scenes. They usually make me feel too uncomfortable to watch. I really enjoyed the storyline and felt drawn to the characters. I was excited to find out that the show was based off a series by author Julia Quinn. I am not one to watch the movie prior to reading the book, but I did not know that there were books until I saw the show. This revelation led me to explore the lives of each of the eight Bridgerton siblings.

I was able to get my hands on the first book Bridgerton [TV Tie-in] (Bridgertons Book 1) without any issues. The other seven books presented some problems. Lots of people must have had the same idea that I did, buy all of the books and read them before season two is released. Of course, I checked the library loan program prior to buying any of the books and every single book was already checked out. There were scores of people ahead of me in line. I did not want to wait months to satisfy my Bridgerton craving.

I waited months for the next books in the series to arrive, only to have my order canceled because the seller could not supply enough books to keep up with the demands of all of the people who wanted to get their hands on the books. Finally, the remainder of the Bridgerton series arrived at my door. Thousands more books are now in print and the books are easier to obtain.

Disclosure Statement: I may receive a small commission for purchases made through links in this post at no additional cost to you

This book review will include all eight of the Bridgerton books. There will be a brief summary of the main points of each book, without going into too much detail. I will try very hard not to give away any spoilers. At the end of my review, I will discuss which Bridgerton lady I most resonated with, which Bridgerton brother I would have chosen, which hero I would have chosen, and which heroine I most resonated with. If you have read the books, please feel free to share your picks as well. I’d love to hear them!

These books do get very racey, just like the show. You cannot simply fast-forward the book, but you can skip over the really graphic stuff. I did have to skip over some of it. The books certainly made me blush at times. They are romance novels, so I don’t think some of the things mentioned could be avoided. I really did enjoy the stories. Who doesn’t enjoy a good love story? Maybe I’m a hopeless romantic.

First, let me briefly introduce the Bridgerton family. Edmund and Violet married and had eight children. Edmund and Violet were very much in love and Edmund was a father that was adored by his children. We learn early in the series (this is not a spoiler, as it is common knowledge) that Edmund passed away at a young age. Edmund and Violet’s children were famously named in alphabetical order: Anthony, Benedict, Colin, Daphne, Eloise, Francesca, Gregory, and Hyacinth. Violet was pregnant with Hyacinth when Edmund died, so Hyacinth never got to meet her father. When Edmund passed away, the eldest son, Anthony, became viscount Bridgerton and assumed the role of father to his younger siblings.

The eight siblings are all incredibly close. They are well-liked in society, influential, powerful, and a family that you do not mess with. Each of the sons are highly sought after by society mamas who want nothing more than for their own daughters to marry a Bridgerton. Each of the children is described as looking similar to their other siblings with deep chestnut colored hair. Their eyes are often described as being different colors. The siblings are intelligent, hilarious, and constantly involved in sibling rivalry games.

The first book of the series Bridgerton [TV Tie-in] (Bridgertons Book 1) “The Duke and I” is Daphne’s story. If I had not watched the Netflix series prior to reading the first book, I would have assumed that Julia Quinn would naturally start the series with the eldest son, Anthony. Daphne is the eldest daughter of Violet and Edmund Bridgerton. While Daphne is beautiful, she is not considered to be a prime candidate for marriage. We are told that this is because she is a friend to everyone and not looked at in a romantic way. Daphne gets along with everyone and has a great sense of humor. She meets Simon Basset, the Duke of Hastings, and they devise a plan to pretend to be in love to get society off of their backs about finding suitable spouses. We learn secrets about Simon and are presented with why he will never marry. Daphne, of course, is not aware of why Simon never wants to marry. The two start to fall in love without the other one knowing of the other’s feelings.

Julia Quinn writes each story in a way that makes the reader want to keep reading until the end. She adds secrets and plots that need to be resolved. Readers are left feeling frustrated (in a good way) and desperate to know how the story will end. I spent many nights staying up way past my bedtime to finish each of these stories. Quinn dose an excellent job with keeping readers invested in the story. Readers know key details that the leading characters don’t know about each other. These details leave the reader wanting more.

Quinn also invented a brilliant character, Lady Whistledown, who knows all of society’s deepest and juiciest secrets. Quinn uses Whistledown to share important information with readers prior to each chapter. Readers will simply fall in love with Lady Whistledown and want to know who she is. Quinn does not reveal who Lady Whistledown is until book four, so if you do not want a spoiler prior to reading book four do not watch the Netflix series until after you’ve read the books! Netflix reveals who Lady Whistledown is at the end of season one. You’ve been warned!

One other quick note that I need to mention, Julia Quinn has written 2^nd epilogues for each of her stories. Several of the 2^nd epilogues contain spoilers for future books. I found this out the hard way. I read the first two books’ 2^nd epilogues at the end of the books and then decided to wait to read the remainder of the 2^nd epilogues until I finished the entire series. The 2^nd epilogues are also included as a collection in Julia Quinn’s The Bridgertons: Happily Ever After.

The Viscount Who Loved Me: Bridgerton (Bridgertons Book 2) is Anthony’s story. Anthony is commonly known as a rake. A rake was someone who was involved with many women, particularly opera singers. Anthony feels an immense responsibility to provide and care for his family. He knows that he needs to marry but does not believe that he will ever find love. He also believes that he will die at a young age just like his father did. He believes that he will not live longer than his father did. In “The Viscount Who Loved Me,” readers learn how the Bridgerton siblings’ father died. I will not give away the how, but I will say that the way that Edmund died leaves Anthony terrified for his own life.

Anthony meets Edwina (the current season’s most sought after lady). He decides that he will marry her, but that he will never love her. He does not want to fall in love because he believes he will die soon. Kate is Edwina’s stepsister. She is determined to make sure that Edwina is married to the perfect man. She does not want Edwina to marry Anthony because of his rakish reputation. Read the book to find out how Anthony and Kate fall in love.

Offer From a Gentleman, An (Bridgertons Book 3) is Benedict’s story. This story felt very Cinderella-esque to me. At first this bothered me, but then I got into the story and really enjoyed it. Benedict meets Sophie at a masquerade ball held by his mother Violet. He falls in love with Sophie but does not know her identity. Sophie later becomes a maid and Benedict saves her from being abused by her employer and his friends. He takes her to his cottage where he falls ill and she cares for him. She later goes on to become a maid in his mother’s home. Read the book to find out the rest of Benedict and Sophie’s story. This one was one of my favorites because I kept wanting to know how it would end.

Romancing Mister Bridgerton (Bridgertons Book 4) is Colin’s story. In book four we find out who Lady Whistledown is! I am not going to say who Colin falls in love with because I was upset that I found this out prior to reading book four (don’t read the 2^nd epilogues until you’ve read all of the books, trust me!) This story is all about an underdog coming out of her shell and realizing how grand she really is. It is a splendid tale that makes you feel good about who you are and how your own individuality is spectacular.

Colin is the third Bridgerton brother. He spends most of his time away from London traveling all over the world. He is a secretly talented writer. He is witty and sharp. He loves to poke fun at his siblings. He is a hero that readers can really get behind. When he realizes who he is in love with, it is a wonderful moment.

To Sir Phillip, With Love: Bridgerton (Bridgertons Book 5) is Eloise’s story. This book was probably my least favorite. I still liked it, just not as much as the others. Honestly, I was a bit disappointed with how Eloise falls in love. It seemed very out of character for her. I guess everyone can’t have the picture-perfect romance, though. I think I was the most disappointed with this story because of who Eloise is as a character. She is very clever, outspoken, determined, and does not conform to society’s rules and expectations.

We find out that Eloise loves to write letters. She has been corresponding with a Mr. Phillip Crane, who just lost his wife (Eloise’s distant cousin). He makes her an offer of marriage and she decides to see first-hand (and completely on her own) if she and him will suit. She leaves unexpectedly and travels to Gloucestershire to meet Mr. Crane. When she arrives she finds out that Mr. Crane has twins (Oliver and Amanda) who are out of control. Mr. Crane wants to find a wife to be a mother to his children first and foremost. He does not anticipate that he will fall in love.

Possible trigger warning! I need to mention that book five can get a rather dark. There is talk of depression and suicide. The former Lady Crane commits suicide by drowning. I want to make this known to readers in case this is not something that you want to read.

When He Was Wicked (Bridgertons Book 6) is Francesca’s story. We learn in a previous book that Francesca was married but become a widow. We do not find out how this happened until book six. Francesca is very much in love with her husband John Stirling. Michael Stirling, John’s closest friend and cousin meets Francesca at John and Francesca’s wedding and falls in love with her. He knows he can never be with Francesca, but he becomes her and John’s closest friend. Francesca loves to listen to stories of how Michael has been wicked.

Michael has a reputation even worse than Anthony’s prior reputation. He has seduced many women. All of the women he has seduced are to fill a void that he cannot fill without Francesca. John unexpectedly dies and Francesca is made a widow. Michael becomes the earl of Kilmartin, against his wishes, but leaves to go to India. It feels like he is running from his troubles.

Francesca and Michael fall in love, but several things have to be resolved before they can reach their happy ending. Read the book to find out how Michael and Francesca come together. I really enjoyed this story.

It’s in His Kiss (Bridgertons Book 7) is Hyacinth’s story. I thought book seven would be Gregory’s story, since he is the seventh Bridgerton child. I loved Hyacinth’s story. I felt like Hyacinth and I are very similar. This surprised me because Hyacinth is the youngest child, and I am the oldest child. Hyacinth is smart, never gives up, loves challenges, and is stubborn to the core. Her character resonated with me so much.

Gareth St. Clair is our hero in this story. He is loathed by his father. He is an outcast in his family. He misbehaves and does not act properly. His grandma, the wonderful (in my opinion) Lady Danbury, wishes to see Gareth married, and married to Hyacinth. Lady Danbury loves Hyacinth and thinks that Gareth and Hyacinth will suit wonderfully. This story shows us that grandmothers really do know best. The story is filled with humor, puzzles, heartbreak, hidden jewels, and love. It does not disappoint.

The final book, On the Way to the Wedding (Bridgertons Book 8) is Gregory’s story. The book starts out with Gregory desperately running to stop a wedding and professing his love to the bride to be in front of all of the elite members of the ton. Gregory states that he believes that love exists, he just doesn’t necessarily think it will happen to him. He is forever changed when he sets his eyes on the back of one woman’s neck. He falls instantly in love with her. Her name is Miss Hermoine Watson (shout out to Harry Potter fans with this name!) and she is already in love with someone else. Not to mention, the rest of the tons’ most eligible bachelors are in love with her. Gregory soon finds out that to win Hermoine’s love, he will need help from her best friend, Miss Lucinda Abernathy. He also learns that love at first sight is not all that it is cracked up to be. Whose wedding is he trying to stop and who is the woman that he falls in love with? Will it be the gorgeous and highly desirable Miss Hermoine Watson, or will it be the seemingly common unnoticed Miss Lucinda Abernathy?

This is a basic summary of all eight of the books in the Bridgerton series by Julia Quinn. I was hooked from book one. Julia does an excellent job of keeping the reader entertained, wanting more, and shocked.

It is near impossible to pick my favorite book from the series, but the book that seemed to keep me the most on my toes and longing for a plot resolution was the third book “An Offer From a Gentleman.” When it comes to the Bridgerton ladies, I feel like I am the most like Hyacinth. She is strong-willed, determined, stubborn, and clever. I do feel like I also gravitate towards Eloise with her outspoken and never quiet personality. For the Bridgerton men, I am torn. My gut tells me that I would pick Anthony because he is a leader, strong, and also his relationship with Kate is very fun. They play tricks on each other a lot, which I think makes a relationship entertaining. I also really like Colin. He is a dreamer and a traveler. Sorry Benedict, but you just don’t seem to be my cup of tea.

For the other heroines, I think that I am the most like Kate. We learn more about her character in later books and I feel like my personality is similar to her personality. She is a woman who takes charge, but she is also kind. I also like that she is a competitor at heart. For the heroes, I have a hard time choosing between Gareth St. Clair and Michael Stirling. I like the way that these characters act. I am not a big fan of Sir Phillip Crane, but I do like that he his a botanist, since I am really into plants of all kinds. Simon Basset is, of course, a catch, but he isn’t in my top two. I’d say I’d place him 3^rd after Gareth and Michael.

Check out Julia Quinn’s website to see a Bridgerton family tree and check out all of the other books that she has written. I read that there is a prequel series as well as a spin-off series. She has written 42 loves stories. Check them all out here: https://juliaquinn.com/

Click here to purchase the entire Bridgerton series: Bridgerton Book Series 1-8

Waldorf Crayon Roll Sewing Tutorial

Disclosure Statement: I may receive a small commission for purchases made through links in this post at no additional cost to you

I have always wanted to learn how to sew. I was gifted a sewing machine from my mother in law. I thought that a simple crayon roll would be a great project to start with.

I fell in love with crayon rolls when my oldest went to a Waldorf school last year. Waldorf education is amazing. We are implementing several Waldorf practices in our homeschool. One of the things that Waldorf education focuses on is creating and self-expression through art. Crayon rolls are a nifty way to store our beloved FILANA Organic Beeswax Stick Crayons. Did you know that traditional crayons contain disgusting ingredients that can be harmful to your children? I love using natural products. Waldorf programs traditionally stick to natural products as well.

When I was researching beeswax crayons I learned that many “beeswax” crayons only contain miniscule amounts of beeswax. The traditional Waldorf Stockmar crayons contain less than 10% beeswax and are composed of harmful chemicals such as petrochemicals. I finally came across the FILANA Organic Beeswax Stick Crayons. We love these crayons. They come in stick and block shapes and color nicely. FILANA Organic Beeswax Stick Crayons are non-toxic, contain no petroleum waxes or lead, and are composed of organic beeswax.

I am also interested in making our own natural beeswax crayons with natural dyes. I have found a few methods on how to go about doing this. I haven’t done it yet because it is a a bit expensive to buy all of the ingredients to make your own dyes. I will hopefully be able to do a tutorial in the future. For now, check out this post from the Hippy Homemaker: https://www.thehippyhomemaker.com/color-the-rainbow-homemade-wax-crayons/

Now onto the crayon roll tutorial. I used a free tutorial from Twig + Tale. Here is a link to the full tutorial: https://www.twigandtale.com/products/waldorf-crayon-roll?_pos=1&_sid=b5c21f02e&_ss=r

Material List

Calico 28 x 40 cm

Cotton Drill 28 x 40 cm

Elastic 22 cm (3/4″ wide)

(I ended up using 1/2 yard of cotton home decor fabric for each piece because it was on sale)

See the above tutorial for pictures.

Cut your rectangles out if you end up buying a 1/2 yard per fabric piece like I did. If you want to embroider something on the front, now is the time to do so. Start out by placing the right sides together and stitch around the perimeter using a 3/8″ seam allowance. Leave one short edge open.
Clip the two sewn corners.
Press one side of the seam open on all of the sewn edges.
Turn right side out and press, fold the raw edges under 1 cm (3/8″) and press in place.
Fold one of the long edges over 5.5 cm (2.2″) and press in place.
Fold over the remaining long edge 4.5 cm (1.8″) and press in place (make sure that a 6 cm (2.4″) gap remains along the center.
Fold the elastic in half and insert the raw edges into the center point of the open end. Pin in place.
Sew along the two short edges to secure the folded edges and elastic in place. Backstitch a few times where the elastic is inserted for extra strength.
Using a ruler and a piece of chalk, mark vertical pocket lines a minimum of 4cm apart.
Stitch along the lines, backstitching the pocket corners for extra strength.
Fill with FILANA Organic Beeswax Stick Crayons

Here are my finished Waldorf crayon rolls. I made one for each of my older kiddos and embroidered their names on the front. I am teaching myself embroidery (along with some pointers and advice from a seasoned friend), so it is not the best yet.

Book Review: Wuthering Heights

Disclosure Statement: I may receive a small commission for purchases made through links in this post at no additional cost to you

I have decided that I want to read all of the classics. This is a personal goal that I am setting for myself. A classic is defined as a book accepted as being exemplary or noteworthy (wikipedia.org). I decided to start with Wuthering Heights because this book was chosen for April’s Coffee and a Classic title. I purchased a subscription box (Coffee and a Classic) for one of my dearest friends for her birthday. This is a cool subscription box that sends subscribers a classic book, coffee or tea, and bookish items each month. Check it out here: https://www.coffeeandaclassic.com/

I was able to snag myself a literary classic copy of Wuthering Heights from Worzalla Publishing where my dad works. This is a beautiful book. Thank you dad!

If I were to describe Wuthering Heights in three words, I would use:

Dark

Depressing

Romantic

I was pretty certain that I had read Wuthering Heights in high school. When I started the book, I quickly realized that I have never actually read it. I must have started it but became discouraged and stopped reading it. Wuthering Heights is not an easy book to read. It was written in 1847 by Emily Bronte. The old English dialect is difficult to work through. I will admit that I had to look up chapter descriptions after reading various chapters because I was confused with what I read. This wasn’t true for all of the chapters. I found the first few chapters particularly difficult to understand. I think this is because the story starts out with Mr. Lockwood as the narrator. Mr. Lockwood is a new tenant of Heathcliff, one of the main characters of the story. After a few chapters the narrator switches to the perspective of Nelly Dean, a housekeeper, and is easier to follow. Another character, Joseph (one of Heathcliff’s housekeepers), is hard to understand. The way that he talks is difficult to read.

The premise of the story involves the lives of three main characters, Catherine, Linton, and Heathcliff. It is a timeless tale of a deeply depressing love triangle. Catherine is in love with Heathcliff, but is also in love with Linton. A famous quote from the book sums up Catherine’s feelings: “My love for Linton is like the foliage in the woods: time will change it, I’m well aware, as winter changes the trees. My love for Heathcliff resembles the eternal rocks beneath: a source of little visible delight, but necessary. Nelly, I am Heathcliff!”

It is thought that Wuthering Heights is actually written in two parts. The first half of the book centers around Catherine, Linton and Heathcliff. Halfway through the novel, the story switches to three new characters Cathy (Catherine and Linton’s daughter), Linton (Isabella and Heathcliff’s son), and Hareton (Earnshaw, Catherine’s brother’s son). The names are confusing because several of the characters share the same name.

I found the story rather dramatic and depressing. Many of the characters die and have “over-the-top” emotions. There is a lot of anger, illness, drama, and death. I think this is because of what the author, Emily Bronte, experienced in her own life. Emily Bronte was one of five children. Her mother died in 1821 and Emily had to watch two of her sisters die of tuberculosis. Emily later succumbed to tuberculosis and died of it herself in 1848. While Emily was alive she read and wrote extensively, along with her two surviving sisters, Charlotte and Anne, and her brother Branwell. (poets.org)

Even though Wuthering Heights was dark and depressing, I feel like it was a worthwhile read. I enjoy a challenging novel and Wuthering Heights definitely delivered. I am excited to continue my journey with more classical literature.

Purchase a copy of Wuthering Heights here: Wuthering Heights: The Original 1847 First Edition

Book Review: The Little Stranger

Disclosure Statement: I may receive a small commission for purchases made through links in this post at no additional cost to you

If you’re looking for a book that will make you want to keep all of the lights on in the house, then The Little Stranger by Sarah Waters is the book for you. The Little Stranger tells the tale of a country doctor (Dr. Faraday) who is strangely linked to an old deteriorating estate, Hundreds Hall. Hundreds is home to the Ayres family (Mrs. Ayres, Roderick, Caroline, and Gyp the family dog). Roderick is now head of the estate and has a difficult time managing all of the affairs. Caroline is considered a homely spinster. Mrs. Ayres is still struggling with the loss of her first child from many years ago.

The story starts out with a young Dr. Faraday visiting Hundreds Hall where his mother works as a maid. Next the readers are transported ahead in time where Dr. Faraday has grown up and become a country doctor. He is called to Hundreds Hall to see to a sick maid. Upon arriving at the hall, he is transfixed like he was so many years before. He sees to the maid, whom he discovers is fabricating an illness. The maid claims that something sinister is lurking in Hundreds Hall. Of course, no one pays any mind to her words.

After this initial visit, Dr. Faraday begins regularly visiting the Ayres Family. He becomes attached to the family and, more specifically, to the homely Caroline. Things begin happening in the home. Strange, evil, things. An incident with Gyp, the dog, takes place. Roderick begins to experience horrifying symptoms and Dr. Faraday diagnoses him with a mental disorder. Caroline and Mrs. Ayres are being haunted by something, or someone. Dr. Faraday does not believe them. He continues to write it off as coincidence or mania. He can medically justify everything that is happening.

The Little Stranger certainly kept me intrigued. I didn’t want to put the book down. I wanted to find out exactly what was haunting the Ayres Family. I stayed up late too many nights to read just “one more chapter.” I kept the lights on and found myself cautiously looking around corners and into the shadows at night.

Waters keeps readers engaged and guessing. The story is not only horror, but there are also elements of mystery and romance. Things are never what they seem. Be prepared for many sleepless nights.

Without giving any spoilers, I was disappointed with the ending. I would still choose to read the book, even with knowing that I will not like the ending. I feel that the author missed the mark on how the story could have ended. I conjured up some different endings in my mind that I think would have been better. I like twists and shocking endings. This ending was a bit lackluster, in my opinion. If you read the book and want to know how I would have written the ending, send me a message and I’ll share my thoughts.

The Little Stranger has been adapted into a movie in 2018. I have not seen the movie, but plan to check it out. You can rent the book at your local library or buy yourself a copy here: The Little Stranger .

Sarah Waters is a Welsh novelist who has been shortlisted for both the Man Booker and Orange Prizes. She lives in London. Some of the other works by Waters include Fingersmith, Tipping the Velvet, The Night Watch, The Paying Guests, and Affinity.

Book Review: All The Light We Cannot See

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A beautifully told story of lives impacted by World War II. All the Light We Cannot See weaves a magnificent tale of two drastically different characters growing up during Hitler’s reign. The author (Anthony Doerr) intertwines the lives of a mollusk-loving, unbelievably brave, blind girl (Marie Laure) and a stark white-haired, genius, member of Hitler’s youth (Werner).

When I began my journey with All the Light We Cannot See, I didn’t think that I would make it to the end. 530 pages is not a small feat to undertake. The book started out rather slow. There was quite a bit of back-story to bring all of the events together in the end. There was also foreign dialect (German and French) that I wanted to translate.

The story went back and forth between two perspectives: Marie Laure and Werner. The timeframe spanned from 1934 to 2014. This made the story difficult to read at times. There are some descriptive and gruesome deaths, war carnage, brief explicit language, and one scene that involves rape (the author does not go into detail). The characters are living in a time of war and experience many hardships. Not every obstacle is overcome. With all of this being said, I am very glad I stuck with the story until the end. This book is completely worth the time it took me to read it.

I enjoyed the artistic style that the author used. He painted a picture of the lives of these two children and how they are connected to each other. I was able to feel what each character was experiencing at different times. The language was beautiful. Anticipation built up throughout the entirety of the story with perspectives switching every few pages. The way that the author was able to make the story flow in this manner is impressive. I was captivated.

Doerr made me feel a lot of feelings. I was anxious and deeply saddened at times, but I was also filled with immense joy. All the Light We Cannot See did not disappoint. It is a National Book Award Finalist, included in the “10 Best Books of The New York Times Book Review 2014,” and won the 2015 Pulitzer Prize for fiction. All The Light We Cannot See is being adapted as a limited series for Netflix.

The author, Anthony Doerr, was born and raised in Cleveland, OH. He currently lives in Boise, ID with his wife and two sons. Other works written by Doerr include About Grace, The Shell Collector, Memory Wall, The Deep, Four Seasons in Rome, and Cloud Cuckoo Land.

Head over to your local library to check out this book or buy yourself your own copy using this link: All the Light We Cannot See: A Novel

The Birth of Emmeline June

**(contains medical lingo, mention of bodily fluids, and other personal detailed information)**

Emmeline June “Emmie” was born on Tuesday June 23^rd, 2020 at 5:38 AM. She weighed 8# 3 oz and was 20 inches long. Her total labor journey was well over 30 hours, but active labor was approximately 15.5 hours. The story of her birth started in the middle of the night on Sunday June 21^st, 2020. I went to bed later than usual around 11:00 PM. I was trying to finish knitting a snuggle sack to have ready for her. I woke up around 1:00 AM uncomfortable and cramping. I felt some fluid on the bed and thought that maybe my water was starting to leak like it did with Warren and Lorelei’s births. I tried to go back to sleep but was unable to do so.

I started to notice real contractions, not just cramping. I went to the bathroom and had a lot of bloody show and mucus. I took a bath and started timing the contractions. They were every 2-4 minutes lasting for 30 seconds to a little over one minute. I stayed in the bath for a while then woke up Tom to let him know that I was pretty positive I was in labor. I told him to go back to sleep and I would wake him up when things progressed. I wanted to try to get some sleep before going into the hospital. I packed my hospital bag so that I wouldn’t have to worry about it later, then climbed back into bed. Once again, I was unable to go to sleep.

My contractions stayed strong and consistent until around 5:00 AM when I finally fell asleep. I slept for about an hour and when I woke up my contractions had slowed way down. I still felt like I was in early labor, so I told the kids that they would probably get to meet their new baby sister today. Warren was so excited that he was running around the house screaming. I took a shower and got ready, then went upstairs and sat on the birthing ball.

Tom took the kids for a bike ride and I finished knitting the snuggle sack I was working on for baby. Unfortunately, my contractions came to a halt around 10:00 AM on Monday morning. I was still uncomfortable and crampy, but it seemed like nothing was really happening. I brewed an extra strong batch of “labor tea” (3 cups of loose-leaf red raspberry leaf tea + 8 cups of water) and started applying my essential oil labor blends. I had my 37-week appointment scheduled for 3:00 PM later that day. I decided I would keep the appointment and see how things were going from there.

I was tired from not sleeping much the night before, but I was determined to get labor moving anyways. I decided to put up some wood shelves that I built the day before in the upstairs closet. I was hoping the activity would get things moving again. By 3:00 PM, nothing had really changed. I still wasn’t contracting regularly. I was having occasional contractions and minor cramping.

I went to my appointment discouraged. The doctor was in and out and said that my water had not sprung a leak and I was only 3 cm dilated. He performed a test with a specific type of paper (nitrizine paper) to determine if there was any amniotic fluid present. The test was negative. I had been 0 cm one week prior, so there was a change, but certainly not enough change to call it active labor. I went home even more discouraged. I was exhausted from the night before and from barely eating or resting for most of the day.

Tom took off work because I really thought that I was in active labor the night before. I was extra bummed because he had to waste a PTO day for nothing. I started to have more contractions on the way home. When I got home, Tom took the kids on another bike ride. Lorelei really wanted to stay home and be with me. She was very sweet and snuggled me the whole time Tom, Warren, and Sadie were gone. Lauren (my sister) ordered pizza for us for dinner, so I didn’t have to worry about cooking. Right as my contractions really became intense for a second time, Sadie decided it would be a good time to puke all over the table, floor, and pizza. Puke is one of my biggest fears. I was worried she was getting sick, which would have been very unfortunate timing. The added stress probably is what set labor off again. After Sadie threw up, I became very anxious and started crying. Coping with the contractions was increasingly more difficult. Thankfully, Sadie ended up being fine and she went to bed with no further issues.

Here’s a picture of Sadie taking a special bath all by herself right after throwing up.

Tom and I started to get all of the kids ready for bed. I wanted to spend a little extra time with each of the big kids just in case this was now the real thing. I read each of them an extra book, gave them extra snuggles, prayed for them, and sang them their bedtime songs. Warren was still very excited to meet his little sister. I promised him that I would come into his room, kiss him, and let him know that we were going to the hospital if we ended up going in. Tom said that it was like Christmas Eve for Warren.

After we got the kids in bed, I decided that I wanted to try to sleep before we did anything else. I went to lay down and my contractions got super intense. They were coming ever 2-5 minutes and lasting well over a minute each time. I was unable to sleep at all, no matter how hard I tried. I called the hospital birth center to let them know that we would be coming in and called my mom to come over to our house to watch the kids. Our house was in the middle of a major addition at this point. We had electricians and builders at our house the entire day and the flooring company was set to come in the morning. My mom’s plan was to have the kids sleep at her house, but with Sadie vomiting, she wanted to wait to see how things panned out.

Tom and I finished getting our things ready and headed to the hospital. I did go in and kiss each of the big kids again before we left. Due to the Covid-19 pandemic, we were only allowed to have Tom with me at the hospital. We were not allowed any other visitors or support people. Lauren and Annie had to stay home, which was a bummer since they were at Lorelei and Sadie’s births. We also had to wear masks when we got to the hospital and be screened for Covid-19 upon entry with a simple questionnaire and temperature check. I also needed to have the lovely Covid-19 swab shoved all the way up into my brain (I tested negative) after being admitted. Tom was not required to get a test. We were both cleared and we went inside to the ER to wait being taken up to the birthing unit.

I could tell that the staff was uncomfortable watching me. I really think they thought I was going to have the baby right then and there on the ER floor. I was certainly uncomfortable, rocking back and forth, and breathing heavy. I said to Tom that it would be hilarious if my water broke, but that didn’t happen. The security guard came down to take us upstairs. I didn’t want a wheelchair because it was more uncomfortable to sit than to walk. That security guard walked so fast that we could barely keep up. I think he was scared we would have the baby in the elevator. I told him he didn’t have to worry and that I wasn’t going to deliver the baby in the elevator. He said that he had come as close as 45 seconds from delivery after letting someone in labor off the elevator, but he had never had anyone deliver in the elevator.

Once to our rooms, our nurse Sarah came in and got us situated. I was already uncomfortable and had decided after our last baby’s birth (Sadie) that I would get the epidural as early as possible. No one needs to be a hero in labor and there is no reason to suffer. Since I planned to get one anyways, I didn’t want to wait. I was already exhausted, and I was having a difficult time breathing through the contractions. I think this was because labor had already been so long, on and off, and due to my lack of sleep the night before. With all of my other babies, I had wanted to try for a natural medication free birth. Each of the births ended with an epidural.

I told Tom that I would probably cry if I wasn’t at least 5 or 6 cm dilated. I had been having regular, consistent, strong contractions for about 5 hours again by the time we arrived at the hospital around 8:30 PM on Monday night. Sarah checked my dilation and I was only 3.5 cm. I was crushed, but surprisingly didn’t cry. It made no sense to me. My body was doing the work, but I wasn’t making progress. My guess is that, because I was so exhausted and unable to cope with the contractions, my body wasn’t able to relax enough to further dilate. I asked Sarah to hold off on starting my IV until she talked to the doctor and found out if I was going to be admitted or sent home.

Thankfully, the OB on call was Dr. Weiss. He is one of my favorite OBs of all time. He delivered Sadie and is just an awesome, patient-centered doctor. He is so awesome that he even remembers our kids’ names and our dog’s name. Once, when I was out on a walk with the kids, he was running with his dog Freya Elizabeth and he stopped during his run to say hi to each of the kids. He’s just an excellent doctor, to say the least.

Sarah came back to the room and said that I was not going to leave the hospital without a baby. This was a relief. She called the lab to draw blood from the IV start and attempted to start my IV. I tend to be a little bit of a trickier IV start. I also get light-headed and anxious for no apparent reason. She was unable to get it on the first try but did get it on the second try. Even though I was only 3.5 cm dilated at the time, Dr. Weiss was ok with me getting the epidural to help my body relax. I was honestly really scared for the epidural this time. I had a bad go with the epidural with Sadie’s birth. They had to poke me about 10 times (not joking), the CRNA hit the epidural vein and I got ringing in my ears, a metal taste in my mouth, and crazy light-headed, then when she finally got the epidural it only worked on one side. I was pretty nervous to go through an experience like that again. This previous experience was another reason why I wanted to get the epidural done and out of the way with early on.

The CRNA on call was one that I had worked with before when I worked on the birthing unit a few years prior. It made me relax to have someone I was familiar with do the epidural. He got it in on the first try and it was honestly the best epidural I’ve ever had. I did end up having a drop in blood pressure from the epidural initially. My blood pressure went from 133/90 to 80/54, yikes. It made me rather anxious because I started to feel super icky and nauseous. I had this feeling like I just wanted to run away from everything that was happening. Sarah and Tom were awesome. Sarah got me some cold washcloths, put my head back and feet up, and both Sarah and Tom talked me out of my panic. I am incredibly grateful for both amazing people.

After the epidural, it was a lot of lying around waiting. My body got really shakey and my teeth started to chatter. I think a lot of the things I was experiencing were due to anxiety. Dr. Weiss came in and checked my dilation and said that I was still only about 4 cm dilated. The goal was to try to get some sleep. I told Tom to sleep as much as he could. There was no reason he needed to be tired and not a whole lot was going on at this point. Plus, he was pretty worn out too. He ran out to the car to get our bags before he took a nap. Sarah stayed with me and continued to keep me calm as best as she could.

I was able to rest a little bit here and there, but really couldn’t sleep much. I was hopeful that things would progress quickly after the epidural, since that is what happened with Warren’s birth (my first baby where I went from 4 cm to completely dilated and ready to push in less than 2 hours). Unfortunately, after 4 hours of contracting regularly (thankfully not feeling anything due to the epidural) I had only progressed to 5 cm. Things were moving very slowly. I kept saying things like “this baby should be walking out at this point since she is my 4^th.” The nurses thought that that was funny. I tried to remain in good spirits but was becoming even more discouraged. The thought of needing to have a c-section was at the back of my head. I really didn’t want to end up with a c-section.

Around 1:20 in the morning, Dr. Weiss decided to break my water. I was still only around 6 cm dilated at that time. We were all hopeful that labor would pick up on its own after my water was broken. My labor did not pick up on its own. We gave my body some more time to do something, but I still wasn’t progressing. Around 3:00 AM Dr. Weiss told Sarah to start me on Pitocin. I was nervous about getting Pitocin because I was already very tired, and I did not want to start feeling my contractions again. Thankfully, I didn’t feel the contractions right away after starting Pitocin.

Tom was awake around this time and came to sit next to me. I had to do a lot of repositioning (which is rather difficult with a good epidural and numb legs). We kept rocking me from one side to the other and sticking a birthing peanut ball between my legs. At one point after starting the Pitocin, when no one else was in the room, Tom looked at me and said, “why does it say 211.” I said, “what do you mean it says 211?” He said, “I think it’s saying that the baby’s heart rate is 211.” I said, “no that can’t be right, you must be reading the contraction monitor, the heart rate is displayed on the left side with a flashing heart next to it.” He said, “no, it’s definitely her heart rate.” Sarah came back in and checked my dilation as soon as she noticed the high heart rate.

I was starting to get very worried for the baby. I was still only 6 to 7 cm dilated. Sarah said I also felt very hot and that the doctor may want to start antibiotics. I did not want antibiotics. I was concerned that my water had a high leak earlier in labor and that it just wasn’t enough to show a positive nitrizine test. If my water had been ruptured for over 24 hours already, there was definitely a chance that I could be starting to develop an infection. The thought of a c-section kept hanging out in the back of my head. I have never had to have a c-section, and I certainly did not want one this time.

Thankfully, baby’s heart rate didn’t stay elevated for very long. It came down and stabilized and Sarah was able to increase the Pitocin rate. Dr. Weiss said that my uterus was probably very tired from working for so long already. The night continued to be a waiting game. I was becoming increasingly more uncomfortable, anxious, and could feel pain and pressure again. I was finally dilated to 8 cm by around 4:30 AM, but I still wasn’t ready to push. It really felt like things were never-ending.

Finally, I was fully dilated and the staff got things ready and set up for baby’s delivery. I was extremely uncomfortable and feeling a lot of pressure. I could barely take it anymore. Dr. Weiss told me to wait a little longer to push, which is so fun (not really). He said the baby was already crowning and would likely be out with 1 or 2 pushes. He told me that I would finish this marathon strong. Sure enough, she started to come out with the 2^nd push. Just like Lorelei, baby ended up getting stuck on the way out and had something called shoulder dystocia. Basically, baby’s head came out, but her shoulders got stuck. Since I have a history of having this happen before, it was an additional risk that it could happen again.

They quickly laid me back down and yelled at me to push as hard as I could. This was super painful. Dr. Weiss was able to reposition the baby and release her shoulder from my pelvis. It was a bit scary pushing as hard as I was with no movement happening while people were yelling at me to push harder. I had a moment of panic, but baby wasn’t stuck for very long. I was so happy when I got to meet her. She had dark hair and was rather purple. She pinked up quick, for the most part. Her face stayed purple, but this was likely because she was so bruised. She did not cry right away.

I did tear a little bit and had to have some stitches. I also needed a shot of methergine in my thigh and some oral Cytotec to prevent any hemorrhages from the shoulder dystocia and prolonged labor. The Cytotec made me nauseous and I had to take some Zofran, but I ended up being ok. I noticed baby was having a hard time breathing (flaring her nostrils, retracting her ribs, and making grunting noises). The nurses took baby over to the warmer and had to suction out her stomach. They weighed baby and found out that she was 8#2.6 oz (they told us to round up to 3 oz). I honestly thought that baby was going to be small like Lorelei. Lorelei weighed 6#11 oz at birth. They made the choice to take her to the nursery and put her on a CPAP machine to give her some pressure to help her breathe.

After they got her situated the pediatrician came and told me that they did a chest x-ray. This upset me because they didn’t even ask us if they could do one or let us know that they were doing one (I did ask one of the nurses later on and found out that this is protocol). The pediatrician said that they didn’t see any pneumothorax but they did see amniotic fluid in her lungs. She suspected it was likely something called Transient Tachypnea of the Newborn (TTN). TTN is a benign condition that is caused by a delay to clearance of fetal lung fluid. It can lead to ineffective gas exchange, respiratory distress, and tachypnea. We suspect that she had this from coming out of the birth canal quickly without enough time to have the amniotic fluid properly squeezed from her lungs. Lorelei had this condition at birth too. I suspected this baby would have it as well due to her shoulder dystocia and gestational age of 37 weeks 3 days.

Baby had to stay in the nursery all day, for almost 12 hours. It was upsetting and hard on me. Tom didn’t even get to hold her until almost 10:00 AM. I wasn’t allowed to breastfeed her with the CPAP machine on. She had to have ABG’s drawn (arterial blood gases drawn through a heel poke) and blood glucose levels checked. Her poor little heel got poked so many times. It was awful. All of her labs were looking great at 10 AM, but the pediatrician said she needed to check them again around 2:00 or 3:00 PM just to be safe. This really frustrated me because baby had been doing great all day with no issues. Her labs at 3:00 PM were very much improved and she was able to come off of the CPAP. She didn’t want to breastfeed because we had already fed her some breastmilk with a syringe. She needed to stay in the level four nursery for monitoring until 5:00 PM. At 5:00 PM we expected that she would be able to come back to our room with us for the first time.

We were with her for most of the day in the nursery taking turns sitting with her and holding her. Unfortunately, when the pediatrician went to check on her, we were in our room eating dinner. I say unfortunately because she ended up putting the baby back on CPAP without letting us know and without allowing me to breastfeed first. I was incredibly upset and frustrated. I honestly felt that baby would be better with us in the room where I could breastfeed her and I could hold her skin to skin. The pediatrician would not budge. She said she needed to remain on CPAP (even though she had had no issues aside from a noise that she made that was “concerning” to the pediatrician, a noise that she had not made all day when we were with her). She said she could try to come off again at 8:00 PM. I wouldn’t allow it. I felt like I needed to advocate for my child. She “compromised” and said that she could come off at 7:00 PM.

I was upset and lost it at that point. Tom left the room to go and talk to the pediatrician and defend me. He told her that he was frustrated with how things were handled. He told her that I was actually the one to notice baby’s breathing issues in the first place and that I used to be a labor nurse. It was nice to know that he was fighting for us.

Baby was finally able to come to our room for the first time around 8:15 PM. She had to stay on continuous monitoring all night long. The machine and wires were unnecessary and obnoxious. They beeped all night long and set off inaccurate alarms that we had to keep silencing. It made for a very long night. On a plus side, she nursed very well and did allow us to sleep for an hour to two hours at a time.

In the morning, a new pediatrician came in and saw her. He looked at the monitor and said, “Hmm, why was she on that all night, that is unusual.” I breathed a sigh of relief because I was finally being heard and I wasn’t crazy for thinking all of the extra interventions baby got were unnecessary. Obviously, if baby was really in distress and not doing well, I would be 100% for her staying in the nursery on CPAP with continuous monitoring, but that was not the case. He said that baby looked great, but we would keep her one more night just to be safe.

We also had them check her bilirubin level as a precaution because of her bruising. Sadie had to go home on bilirubin lights from bruising and we were hoping to prevent that with this baby. Her bilirubin level put her at a high intermediate risk level at 7.4, so she was placed on double photo therapy with a bilirubin blanket and overhead light. Her level was rechecked at 3:00 PM and it did not increase even a decimal point. She was able to come off of the overhead light and will just had the light blanket for the night. We were hopeful that she could come completely off the blanket in the morning and that she would not need to go home on any devices.

We are very thankful that our friends Ashley and Penny “stopped by” to visit us at the hospital. They walked to the hospital and stood in the parking lot outside of our window. They made us a sign and held it up for us to see. Penny decided to name baby girl “Rocket.” The signs says, “Welcome baby Rocket.” It made our day and filled our hearts. What wonderful friends we have!

We were very anxious to get home. We missed our big kids. We were not allowed to have any visitors because of Covid-19. Our big kids were not even allowed to come and meet their sister. We were hopeful that tomorrow would bring good bilirubin results and we would all get to be together as a family of 6 for the first time.

Baby’s bilirubin result slightly increased to 9.2. This put her at a low intermediate risk. She was able to go home the following day without any extra devices. She would need to follow up in a few days to re-check her bilirubin level, but that was so much better than needing to stay in the hospital or go home on a bili-blanket.

Baby’s name took us a long time to decide on, longer than any of our other baby’s name decisions took. This was probably because one of us was in the nursery with her the whole time she was in there, so we never had any time alone to discuss it. Everyone was anxiously awaiting her name decision. I was pretty set on June for a middle name if she was born in June. She was due July 11^th, but I was certain she would be born early.

I love the name Emma, but it is just too popular for me. We wanted something a bit more unique, like our big kids. We had discussed Emmaline and Emmalynn a few weeks prior. Tom preferred Emmalynn and I preferred Emmaline. I thought the name was beautiful sounding and unique. Emmaline is of Latin and/or German origin and means peaceful home, rival, laborious, eager, entire, and universal. Other contenders for us were Hazel, Jolie, and Elodie. Ultimately, we decided on Emmeline June. We didn’t want her to be called Emma by default, so we changed the “a” to an “e” and plan to call her Emmie, Emmie J, or June Bug (picked out by the kids). We are smitten with little miss Emmie and are so grateful to God that He brought her safely into this world. Her birth was certainly a trip, but she was 100% worth it.

Here is some more photos from Emmie’s first few days of life. Enjoy!

Emmie’s 1st Bath

Meeting Big brother Warren and sisters Lorelei and Sadie

Meeting cousin Ozzy

Swaddled and snug as a June bug

Imitation at its Finest

I’m going to be honest with you all. My time with Jesus has been pushed to the side for quite some time. I have never really been “good” at quiet time with God. I have always struggled with it.

I know how important daily conversation with God is. I know that a lot of my struggles and frustrations could simply be fixed by just talking to God . But yet, I still avoid it.

I know that the only thing that matters in this world is our salvation and the love that God poured onto us through His son’s sacrifice on the cross.

So today I decided to sit down and open my Bible. Something amazing happened, at least something amazing and wonderful to me. My son asked me what I was doing. I told him that mommy was talking to Jesus. I explained that we talk to Jesus by reading our bibles. I said this is how we communicate with Him since we can’t see Him or hear Him. I told him how important it is that we talk to God every single day.

What happened next is what made my heart smile. My little boy picked up his Jesus Storybook Bible and said to me “Mommy I want to talk to Jesus too.”

Kids imitate us. They watch our every moves and they copy what we do. Sometimes I’m not proud of what I do or say. Today I am thankful that I chose to sit down and open up my Bible. Not only did I get to talk to God and reconnect, although it was brief, but I got to share the importance of daily communication with our savior with my little boy.

We can’t save our children from sin, but we can model behavior that will set them up for a lifelong relationship with Jesus. That is all that matters in this world.

Today I chose Jesus. Today my day is better because of my communication with Him.

The Bench

The story of how we acquired this patio bench is pretty fantastic.

It was sitting on the side of the road with a big FREE sign on it. I saw it and thought it would be great to have since we could use more patio seating.

We were already running late for a dentist appointment…but this bench was FREE.

I decided to stop. I tried to fit it in our van about 5,000 different ways. None of those ways were successful.

So…I decided to do the only sensible thing that I could…I hoisted the beast up on top of our van. No, I didn’t have a way to fasten it to the van.

I decided to try my hand at the game of chance and started to drive home with the bench on top of the van… unfastened.

I figured we would be fine since the trip home was very short.

I was sorely mistaken…

We made it just out to the main road when the kids and I heard a scratching screeching noise, then silence, then a huge crack and smack.

Oops. Big mistake. The bench fell off the top of the van and shattered on the main road. Cars swerved, horns blared, and my kids cried. They wanted that bench apparently more than I did.

I couldn’t stop driving, since we were already late for the kids’ dentist appointments. So I kept driving, kids crying all the while.

I texted my then pregnant sister (who owns a truck) and asked her if she would kindly drive back to the scene of the crime and see if the bench was still salvageable.

Little did I know that my pregnant sister would then find said bench and would proceed to lift it up into her truck by herself. It’s a miracle she didn’t go into labor or hurt herself.

She brought that nuisance of a bench back to our house and we lifted it and set it on the side of our driveway. There it sat, untouched, for at least a month.

The bench was broken and bruised up pretty bad. It was missing pieces and cracked in tons of places. My dad told me that the best way to fix it would be to take an ax to it and throw it in the fire.

I wasn’t ready to give up just yet.

So there there the bench continued to sit. Weeks passed and finally we moved it to our backyard. There it sat again.

Finally, after who knows how long, my awesome husband tried his hand at mending the bench enough so we could sit on it without it falling apart.

He threw some screws in it and added an extra piece of wood. I picked up some cushions on clearance.

Here is the final result. It may not be the prettiest bench, but it does the job and has a funny story behind it.

No Rest for the Wicked

I lost my cool…again…

I feel like this happens way too many times. Much more than I would like to admit. I feel like a terrible mom. A terrible person.

I pray to be a better mom. I pray to be the mom that God intended for me to be…but then I lose my cool again. Time and time again.

I feel so angry. I feel so frustrated. Bitter. Exhausted. Stressed. When will this change? I never used to be “that” mom.

Maybe it’s the addition of a third little person, maybe it’s the added stress of not sleeping for practically 4 years straight, maybe it’s that my kids are at an age where they are starting to talk back, or maybe it’s something else entirely.

This time I was trying to get all of my kids ready for nap and rest time. Sadie went right to bed, Warren is playing quietly with blocks in his room, I thought Lorelei was sleeping. Then I heard her door open. She came out and walked downstairs. I took her back to her room, calmly. She did it again. Once again I took her back to her room without any feelings of frustration or anger. Then she came out 10 more times.

I started to feel the anger build. Nap time is my time. This is my one time during the day where I get to do whatever I want. It’s totally selfish, and I get that, but I need this time to take care of myself.

This next time that she came out I was on the phone with Warren’s doctor trying to get his 4K health paperwork figured out. Warren came out of his room and Lorelei and him started fighting. They were literally socking punches at each other in the hallway. This wouldn’t have happened if everyone was in their rooms like they were supposed to be.

The anger inside me grew.

I stormed up the stairs and grabbed Lorelei and put her, not so gently this time, back into her bed. I told her if she came out again she would get a spanking. I told Warren to go back to his room. Thankfully, he listened.

I sit down. Lorelei’s door opens again.

Now I’m fuming.

I run up the stairs two steps at a time and burst into Lorelei’s room. I tell her that she now gets a spanking. I don’t like to spank when I am angry, but I also don’t like to go back on my word. So I spank her. Not hard, but hard enough to get her attention. I place her back in bed, tell her that I love her, and give her a kiss.

I head back downstairs and nuke my now cold coffee for the 50th time. I sit back down. Her door opens again.

I take a deep breath. I am already frustrated with myself for losing my cool…again.

I head upstairs for the billionth time and take away Lorelei’s baby doll and pacifiers. She’s screaming. I don’t want her to wake the baby. I lock her door and hold her on her rocking chair and let her scream.

I stick her back in her bed and tell her that she needs to stay in her room. She keeps screaming. I decide to give her her pacifiers and baby doll back one last time to see if she will sleep.

It’s a miracle. It worked. She hasn’t come back out of her room.

I’m upset with myself once again for how I handled the situation. I know that we are all flawed, are prone to follow our sin nature, and that we aren’t perfect, but it still bothers me when I act this way.

I wish I was better. I will pray to be a better mom. Less angry. More calm. More patient. More kind.

But now the baby is awake. Nap time was a bust.

Here’s to some “me time” another day.

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alexandria hoeft

Wife. homeschool mama. avid reader. registered nurse. knitter. essential oil enthusiast. gardener. lover of all things nature. adventurer. crafter.

Glenna Rebecca’s Birth Story and Hospital Stay

Bridgerton Series by Julia Quinn Review

Waldorf Crayon Roll Sewing Tutorial

Book Review: Wuthering Heights

Book Review: The Little Stranger

Book Review: All The Light We Cannot See

The Birth of Emmeline June

Imitation at its Finest

The Bench

No Rest for the Wicked